One of the most painful parts of separation or divorce can be the reality of not having your children with you in the ways you once did. Holidays, birthdays, weekends, bedtime routines—even the small everyday moments—may suddenly look very different than you imagined. Take a breath for a moment. Inhale. Exhale. Just acknowledging the very real and present reality can help.
Acknowledging the grief and reality of this loss matters. Sometimes simply allowing yourself to recognize “This hurts” can soften some of the resistance and overwhelm surrounding it.
At the same time, this season can also become an opportunity to create new forms of connection and intention with your children. Kids remember how they felt with you more than whether every holiday or calendar moment was perfect. A movie night, a special breakfast, a walk together, music in the car, consistency, warmth, and presence—these are the things that become stabilizing and meaningful over time.
Hazel Mason
A Few Things to Remember:
● Your children benefit most from feeling emotionally safe and connected
● Calm, steady transitions help children feel secure instead of divided
● Presence matters more than trying to “make up” for lost time
● It’s okay to grieve the changes while still creating meaningful moments moving forward
● Taking care of yourself emotionally helps you show up more fully for your children
When your children are not with you, try to use some of that time intentionally. Rest. Catch up on responsibilities. Go for a walk. Reach out for support. Give yourself space to process and regulate so that when you are with your children, you can be more present and grounded.
A Small Practice You Can Incorporate:
Take 5 quiet minutes and ask yourself:
● How do I want my children to feel when they are with me?
● What small moment of connection can I create this week?
Keep it simple. Small moments matter more than you think. Children may not remember every detail of this season, but they will remember how safe, seen, and loved they felt with you.
“Children may not remember every detail of this season, but they will remember how safe, seen, and loved they felt with you.” -H.M.
Kimra Douglass
You may worry about not being able to spend time with your kids as you have in the past for holidays, birthdays, or even just a weekend right now. Things are different in so many ways. Just acknowledging the very real and present reality can help. You may want to try the simple breathing in and long exhale right now…
AND…ask: What can I do when I know I will be splitting my time with the kids?
- Create meaningful rituals for the time you do have.
- Stay emotionally steady during transitions.
- Build connections outside the actual holidays, birthday, etc.
Kids remember consistency, warmth, and connection more than calendar perfection. A special breakfast, movie night or even a walk with just them can become stabilizing, even core memories each of you will cherish. Children absorb emotional tension quickly. Keeping exchanges calm and child-focused helps them feel secure instead of divided.
Consider taking the time without your children to catch up on chores, self-care, work, etc. so when you are with them you are more able to be present.
Change is not an easy process. Getting support from your life coach can really help you do the processing and work that is a part of where you are right now and create forward in healthy ways everyone will benefit from.
If you are a current client of Millar Legal and are interested in scheduling a Life Coaching session, please contact Stacey at stacey@millarlegal.com for eligibility information and details on how to schedule your next session.