Marriage Strengthening Strategies
It is not uncommon for people to have thoughts about divorce at some point during their marriage. For some, divorce feels like a constant threat; for others, it seems like the only hope. However, there are several reasons that individuals may want to work on strengthening their marriage before giving up. Many individuals wish to avoid the negative impact divorce will have on the children, while others fear losing their identity or beloved family and friendships acquired through marriage. There are certain situations where divorce may be justified, such as adultery, abuse, alcoholism or drug addiction, however for those in less harmful situations, we’ve included a list of strategies to help strengthen your marriage and support your desire to keep your family whole.
Commit to Your Relationship
The stress associated with relationship difficulties can often lead a person to entertain the idea that they might be better off outside of their marriage. Unfortunately, even if these thoughts are never voiced, they can still put a major strain on the relationship and overshadow any remaining motivation to improve the marriage. Commit to your relationship by deciding ahead of time that divorce is not an option. This will help you keep your focus on strengthening the relationship that you are wanting to preserve rather than on what life might be like outside of the one you have with your spouse.
Communicate Regularly
Couples and families today are constantly struggling to find enough time to juggle the many different aspects of life that need their attention. Technology has helped us communicate faster, but the convenience can lead to less frequent communication of more time-intensive issues like personal interests, dreams, frustrations, and feelings. Individuals wanting to keep their marriages strong can help foster intimacy within their relationship by setting aside time each day, free from distractions, to have these meaningful discussions with their spouse.
Remain Faithful
Infidelity usually occurs when there are already problems occurring within a marriage. Individuals take this route often in an attempt to feel better, but rarely does it work out that way. In fact, most people end up feeling worse. Affairs can have a devastating impact on any marriage, so those who are wanting to preserve their marriage and are also considering having a relationship outside of their partner, whether that relationship be emotional or sexual it may be better off exploring why they are having these feelings rather than acting on them.
Make Time to Connect Daily
Couples are much more likely to achieve marital success when they devote time each day exclusively to each other. Giving as little as 15 minutes of undivided attention while engaging in meaninful conversation can make a significant difference. Other ways to engage in this daily connection could include:
- Waking up a little earlier and spending the extra time in bed cuddling, making love, and reaffirming your love for each other.
- Listening to each other with the same intensity as when you were dating
- Touch, hug, and show affection
- Tell each other how you feel about your marriage
- Talk about your goals for the marriage and your lives.
Other Relationship Strengthening Strategies
Do Things Together
Long-term happy marriages are commonly found among couples who regularly do things together that they find fun and exciting. Whether that’s engaging in a new hobby together, playing games, spending time outdoors, playing a sport together, consider participating in at least one activity together that you both enjoy every week. If you have kids, make sure at least half of these activities are for you and your spouse only.
Spend Time Apart
Couples often have many qualities and interests in common with each other, but it isn’t realistic for couples to expect to share the same love and passion for every hobby they each would like to pursue . You don’t have to love everything your partner loves in order to have a happy marriage. Spending time apart to engage in personal hobbies can help married partners continue to develop their individuality, and can promote a continued interest in each other as you share your pursuits and accomplishments with each other.
Love Your Spouse In The Way He/She Wants To Be Loved
Each individual has ways of understanding and expressing love that are deeply meaningful to them. However, a common mistake couples make is in assuming both partners are touched and affected in the same way and through the same gestures of affection. Expressing love to a partner is done by appreciating what is important and meaninful to them. If you don’t already know, find out what things your spouse yearns for. Even if you do not share your partner’s desires, as long they do not pose a threat to individual health or the quality of your relationship, delivering these gifts with love is the best way to show your partner that you understand and appreciate their needs.
More Resources
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
by Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
by Willard F. Jr. Harley
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
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