Divorce is rarely easy—but co-parenting after divorce can be even more challenging. Even well-intentioned parents can find themselves triggered by texts, frustrated by last-minute schedule changes, or pulled into circular arguments that feel impossible to resolve. When communication breaks down, the stress doesn’t just affect the parents—it can impact the children as well.
At Millar Legal, we understand that divorce is both a legal process and an emotional transition. That’s why, in addition to providing strategic legal representation, we offer access to life coaches who support our clients in managing stress, improving communication, and building healthier post-divorce patterns. One of the communication tools our attorneys and life coaches consistently endorse is Bill Eddy’s BIFF for CoParent Communication.
Why BIFF?
Bill Eddy developed the BIFF method to help individuals communicate effectively with high-conflict personalities—particularly in co-parenting situations. The goal is simple but powerful: reduce conflict, avoid emotional traps, and keep communication child-focused and court-appropriate.
BIFF stands for:
- Brief – Keep communication short and to the point. Lengthy responses often invite more conflict, more rebuttals, and more escalation.
- Informative – Stick to facts. Share necessary information without inserting commentary, judgment, or emotional reactions.
- Friendly – Use a neutral or polite tone. This doesn’t mean being warm or overly accommodating—it simply means avoiding sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness.
- Firm – Set clear boundaries. Close the conversation decisively when needed without being aggressive or threatening.
Sample BIFF Response
Message from Co-Parent:
“You’re always late and clearly don’t care about the kids’ schedule. I can’t believe I have to deal with this every week.”
Non-BIFF Response (Escalates Conflict):
“That’s ridiculous. I’m late because you change things constantly. Maybe if you were more organized this wouldn’t happen.”
BIFF Response:
“I will arrive at 5:15 today due to traffic. Going forward, I will plan to leave earlier to ensure a 5:00 arrival time.”
Brief. Informative. Friendly in tone. Firm about the plan.
Why It Matters
Many parents fall into “blamespeak”—responding to accusations with counter-accusations. While understandable, that pattern often escalates conflict and can increase litigation. BIFF helps parents:
- Avoid blame cycles
- Keep written communication professional (particularly if reviewed by a court)
- Reduce stress and emotional exhaustion
- Model healthier conflict management for their children
Importantly, BIFF is not about giving in or over-apologizing. The book cautions against excessive explaining or defending, which can invite more argument. Instead, it teaches parents to disengage from emotional triggers while still addressing practical issues.
At Millar Legal, we believe strong legal strategy and emotional support go hand in hand. By combining thoughtful representation, life coaching support, and tools like BIFF for CoParent Communication, we help clients reduce unnecessary conflict and focus on building a stable, child-centered future.
If you are navigating co-parenting challenges and would like support in improving communication strategies, our team is here to help.